 | I chase time. I chase dream. But will it mean I lose everything in between? Mama says head on, Ayah says stay. Shall I let nature takes its course, knowing that I will not be able to handle its dip of failure. Why do we dream too much in the first place?
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Thursday, January 7, 2010
11:51 AM
Now I hate my room, its all gloomy 24hrs. I hate the atmosphere of this hometown, its just so unfriendly. I hate the fact that there's sides here, soo much politics. I hate that I dont have my friends on speed dial like I always do. Ok my list of hates can go on, but I shall not continue. I have drawn a line to give up on the sticks but my hands are still itching to just get one into this system and I hate myself for doing that. Ok another hate, I gues I just could not stop myself from syaing HATE HATE HATE HATE, because my life is just full of HATE right now. I do not want to grow up, I want to grow back down and no one bothers me. No one nosing in my life because Im still the cute small girl. Ok cute tak perlu, i noe. Deep in me, everything's hurting.
That talk with Irah yesterday nearly made me want to cry. I went through alot of pain, and because all these pain is the happiness I foster and build, I am willing to go through the pain. Whenever she caught me staring into thin air, she shot me down and trying to dig all this pain im holding in me. But im sorry babe, thats the most I could tell and thats the most I am willing to do, let this pain turn into happiness again. Let me fight this war and win it even for a little while more. One of the great things about her and also my bestf and some other people, they dont judge the chances I took and the choices I have made. No matter how far I run, this is where I will return to..
This eyes are swollen from tears, but this heart is still bleeding.